Funny quotes about ....SEX ! - (Sex is a joke ?) No Sex please we are British !

Funny quotes about ....SEX ! - (Sex is a joke ?) No Sex please we are British !

Did the earth move for you darling? Was that One or Two or even Three minutes of instant pleasure worth all the wooing and the effort ?

He are some aphorisms of the Literati:-

'Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.' Jeff Foxworthy, American comedian.

'I find that making love is the best form of exercise.' Cary Grant, actor.

'Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation - the other eight are unimportant.' Henry Miller, author.

'I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.' Bernard Manning, comedian.

'Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.' Andy Warhol, artist.

'Sex is God's joke on human beings.' Bette Davis, actress.

'Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.' Billy Crystal, actor.

'Some men spend a lifetime in an attempt to comprehend the complexities of women. Others pre-occupy themselves with somewhat simpler tasks, such as understanding the theory of relativity.' Albert Einstein, scientist.

'Sex is two minutes of squelching.' John Lydon, lead singer of the Sex Pistols.

'Sex relieves tension - love causes it.' Woody Allen.

'Making love surely resembles having an epileptic fit at least as much as, if not more than, it does eating a meal or conversing with someone.' Susan Sontag, writer.

'A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man needs only an excuse.' Helen Rowland, English-American writer.

'Sex is hardly ever just about sex.' Shirley MacLaine, actress.

'Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.' Anais Nin, writer.

'When you don't have money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health.' J. P. Donleavy, novelist.

'According to a survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.' Robert de Niro, actor.

'There is nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.' Billy Joel, singer.

'Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th century.' Malcolm Muggeridge, broadcaster.

'My feeling about technique in art is that it has about the same value as technique in lovemaking. Heartfelt ineptitude has its appeal and so does heartless skill; but what you want is passionate virtuosity.' John Barth, American novelist.

'One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.' Jane Austen, author.

'If most men and women were forced to rely upon physical charm to attract lovers, their sexual lives would be not only meagre but in a youth-worshipping country like America, painfully brief.' Gore Vidal, author.

'What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh.' Henry Fielding, novelist.

'Everyone probably thinks that I'm a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I'd rather read a book.' Madonna, singer.

'Sex and taxes are in many ways the same. Tax does to cash what males do to genes. It dispenses assets among the population as a whole. Sex, not death, is the great leveller.' Steve Jones, geneticist.

'Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalise it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.' H. L. Mencken, American satirist.

'An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.' Edgar Wallace, crime writer.

'When people are fed and clothed, then they think about sex.' Confucius, Chinese philosopher.

'Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.' Jackie Onassis, First Lady.

'Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.' Woody Allen, film director.

'Surely this sex business isn't worth all this damned fuss? I've met only a handful of people who've cared a biscuit for it.' T. E. Lawrence, soldier and writer.

'Now the whole dizzying and delirious range of sexual possibilities has been boiled down to that one big, boring, bulimic word. RELATIONSHIP.' Julie Burchill, writer.

'Sex has never been an obsession with me. It's just like eating a bag of crisps. Quite nice, but nothing marvellous.' Boy George, pop star.

'I know nothing about sex because I was always married.' Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress.

'Sex is emotion in motion.' Mae West, actress.

'Love is just a system for getting someone to call you darling after sex.' Julian Barnes, novelist.

'Sex should be as simple and unimportant as drinking a glass of water.' V. I. Lenin, Soviet leader.

'You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Steve Martin, actor.

'Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from.' Margaret Atwood, novelist.

"Birth, Copulation, and Death. That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks" T. S. Elliot

"I started out to be a sex fiend but I couldn't pass the physical" - Robert Mitchum actor.

"Certain times I like sex. Like after a cigarette…" -- Rodney Dangerfield

"Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles…" -- George Mikes

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty…" -- George Burns

"I have tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw."
Tallulah Bankhead

"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing." Johnny Carson