Exhausted…very much

Being exhausted! Being Exhausted!

I don’t want to study. I don’t want to go to my classes. Can I stop? Absolutely there is no way, so I have to continue no matter I like or not! I always have trouble lacing sport shoes, why? I stand on the edge of tradition and modernization and walk at the edge of love and pain, but I indeed want a simple life. I have to show great moderation in not responding angrily to the attacks on my characters, so the result is that I am the only person who is angry, gloomy, depressive and even exhausted. I never intend to hurt anyone, my dearest and my friends, but still I hurt my friend. Actually that remark was intended as a joke. Is it good to be an intense person who takes life seriously? Maybe not, right? Is it good to pretend to be happy so that I can delight people around? Tired to be like that! Is it necessary to care others if no one considers my thoughts and needs? Why do I need to cry for others? Why do I need to do something for others? What I have done is for my own life, or others? I like to read people from their face, from their eyes, from their expressions, but I don’t know how to read myself. I treat people by heart, but some of them hurt me hardly.

I don’t want to be good anymore. It is tired and boring to be good. Should I throw my timetable away? Should I skip the class? Should I be selfish? Should I get some kind of a kick out of making people suffer? Should I hide myself at the corner and never show up? Should I ignore everything, happy or unhappy?

No, no, no….nothing could soothe my lacerated feeling! leave me alone, leave me alone no matter who you are, what you are..........