Khun Veen's blog threw up the interesting question of why so many women in Thailand do not enjoy good sex. Indeed I am sure that this is a phenomenon that women in most if not all countries will feel to a greater or lesser extent.  But the figure of 70% does appear to be high when compared with other countries (although I have not studied the report on which Khun Veen based her blog).   And so I would like to pose a thesis.  Does the social context of relationships and marriage create this phenomenon in Thailand?

It is my strong sense, and this is a sense rather than a judgement built on empirical evidence, that Thai people are generally more conservative in their attitudes towards sex than people in the west.  OK I know that many people will respond back straight away and say that more and more people in Thailand are breaking down the old cultural norms and engaging in pre-marital sex.  But one can say with some confidence that it is quite rare in the west for people to save themselves for marriage but comparatively more common for this to happen in Thailand.  And when pre-marital sex does take place in Thailand it is more likely to be in the context of a more serious relationship (although one night stands are becoming more common and of course the sex trade is very accessible for male Thais).

From one sweeping generalisation to another I might go on to suggest that a disproportionately higher percentage of Thai people enter marriage with relatively less sexual experience than their counterparts in the west.   Accordingly, they will have had less opportunity to explore the things that they like and do not like about sex with a partner and find ways to have sex which give them most sexual satisfaction. 

I have heard stories from friends of the relative inexperience of their friends or offspring going into the marital bed room on the first night.  I recall one friend in particular recounting how her son had told her that it had taken him several attempts and numerous days before he was able to find a fruitful coition with his new wife. 

Thai bloggers on this site have commented on how some Thai men prefer to focus on their own satisfaction rather than satisfying their female partner (although I am sure many men approach sex in this way too).  All in all one might say that pre-marital chastity and the self-satisfying copulation habits of men must militate against a good sexual experience for women in general.

But then one might add another ingredient to the mix: that upon marriage in Thailand there are often strong social and familial pressures around starting a family quickly. Perhaps more quickly than in the west.  I have known so many Thai couples who have had their first baby within the first 18 months of marriage and have noted as less common those couples who choose to wait before starting a family or indeed, who choose their career and lifestyle above making a family, in the west.  Whereas in the west my over-riding experience is of couples who stay together, and are sexually active, for long periods of time before contemplating starting a family. 

Whenever any couple is blessed with the joy of children (a joy which so far in my life has sadly eluded me) it must indeed be a precious and special moment, whether they are Thai or western.  But I ask you to imagine a couple that has had little sexual experience prior to their relationship or marriage starting and who start a family very quickly thereafter.  Might you agree with me that they will have had less time and less opportunity to explore their sexual desires together?  That sex for them might be more closely aligned with the process of pr0-creation, rather than simple enjoyment and the expression of sexual pleasures?

Perhaps at this point in time the social and cultural context of sex in Thailand is more heavily weighted in favour of committed married couples being together in the beloved hope of starting a family.  Sex is the means to an end rather than the end in itself.  That is changing and will continue to change over time as western influences continue to encroach on Thai social and cultural norms and mores. 

But I guess the question for the reader is whether it is better to have a western style relationship where sex is a commonly accepted orde du jour, but where the relationships (judging by divorce rates in the west) may not be as enduring, or to have a very conservative Thai style relationship where sex is more strictly regulated and closely bound with expectations around the family, but where the relationships, as a result, might endure longer.

I can well see why westerners look on traditional Thai relationships and find them strange and how Thai people must also look on their seemingly more sexually liberated farang counterparts and similarly judge them alien.  There is probably no right or wrong.  The social context of sex and the enjoyment that is derived from it, varies from society to society.

Other related blogs by me:

Why are Thai girls cuter than farang girls?

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/poomjai/2007/12/28/entry-2

Addicted to sex: a good excuse?

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/poomjai/2008/04/29/entry-1

Why can't pretty girls find good boyfriends?

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/poomjai/2008/03/21/entry-1

Thailand's neo-polygamy.  Conservative marraige with casual sex on the side!

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/poomjai/2008/02/15/entry-1

Thai trans-sexuals tastier than Totton trans-vestites!

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/poomjai/2008/01/09/entry-1

Cute Thai girls aren't like London buses.  But many farangs think they are.

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/poomjai/2007/10/25/entry-1