My brain, my mind, and my body are sick of everything, now

I am sick of doing final report. Again, again, and again my group cannot satisfy my teacher. What else can I say to my members? I am not a good group leader. If I could, here, I didn’t want group work. I am not good at guiding people, cooperate with people. They can blame me, they can be late, they can avoid doing work, but I cannot. After I finished my last final exam, I was very happy to tell people that I graduated, but now I stop to say that even though everyone says to me, “ wow, how smart you are! You can graduate 3.5 year” why? Because I haven’t finished my last final report.

I have tears in my eyes now. I try, I have tried. I am not smart at all. I am just a normal student. If I could, I never wanted to be a group leader. Now I don’t have any confidence to continue my master degree. I don’t want honor anymore. I just want to submit my report as soon as possible. I don’t care whether people say I am clever or not, let me pass it.

I have tears in my eyes now. I was sad and depressive just now in front of my members. I almost cried, but I could control. What I did was to go home as soon as possible. Everyday I am the first one to be the campus and keep working, what about them? I set up group meeting at 10:30, but no one came on time, and one even came afternoon. They said they could do at home, but the consequence is that we are late to submit report 1 week, and until now they haven’t finished! Yesterday it was so bad. One member brought virus to my laptop, so I had to stay on campus to fix it until the school was closed. Alone ! I was alone ! I can really fix my laptop until this morning 6 am. I went to campus at 8:30, and waited for them to come till noon. Why did they do this to me? Just because I am a group leader? Damn!

I have tears in my eyes now. I miss BaoBei. Baobei, don’t mind please if I can’t leave you; Baobei, don’t mind if I am still around; Baobei, don’t mind if I still miss you. I thought that I could forget you and concentrate on my work, but I failed.

I want to be liked and accepted by the person whom I care for, but once I found that the person whom I care for doesn’t feel happy at all with my change, I feel upset. I will not force myself to change but be the person who I used to be. I am not liar, I am not pretender....

Baobei, come back, please;

Baobei, I just need a smile from you; then I will be fine, I know…

Fine…I will not complain anyone, anything…I want to sleep because I am mentally and physically exhausted!